Twas the night before Thanksgiving....

And I'm so not in the mood for this.  I cried at the drop of a hat all day today.  Work was a bitch, one of my girls didn't come in this morning so I had to go in early and my night girls are really dumb as a post.  I've been thinking a lot about Brandon today and not making any sense of WHY!!!  I must ask that a million times a day.  But really, why?  I was ready, I would gladly trade places with him.  I just can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that MY 16 year old son is dead and there is no reason why.....I would never do anything to myself to end my life but dammit I've lived.  I was and am ready to go.  I'm tired of being here and trudging through everyday life especially now.  Take me God.  I want to go.  I hate it here now and I see now redeeming qualities in my near future.  Now I lay me down to sleep.  Please don't make me wake up.  That is what I wish for now.  Everyday, every time.  Amen