Sunday

Ok, I'm getting the hand of this now.  I write about what I'm thinking and feeling and soon I'm going to feel better.  I'm still scared about being "truthful" on here because I'm not sure I want anyone to be able to read this.  Guess I should have picked a better format! LOL  Mark and I are e-mailing each other questions back and forth.  One a day.  Hopefully this will open up lines of communication between us.  I'm not to sure how I want this to play out.  I know I don't want to go back to him but I do need to figure out how we are going to fit into each others lives.  Frank is a whole nother subject!  I'm not to sure on this move he wants.  I'm going to talk to my therapist about that.  I really think I need to make a break and just be completely by myself.  I know everyone says I need to be able to count on my friends and family during this time but I think I need to be alone.  I like being alone.  And now without Brandon I can do that anywhere I want.  I always thought about him when I picked a place to live before, two rooms, good schools, ect.  Now I can get that damn loft in the city if I want and can afford it.  I really do think about a lot of crap these days.....
  I wish I was like some of the other parents I've met and that Brandon would give me a sign that he's ok.  But, on the other hand I don't know if I believe all that crap.  See, my thoughts are all over the place....